I get the call "want to go out tonight?" Of course I do! So I hurry home from work, vacuum, put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, make the bed, pick up the clean clothes, hide the dirty ones, sometimes make dinner, jump in the shower... get all ready again, hair, make-up... just in time to answer the door looking like my perfect self at 7pm.
Am I creating a false reality? Is this what is going to be expected of me if/ when we move in together? Is this why when he spends the night I get so anxious in the morning? Thoughts start running threw my mind... what do I look like, do I have morning breath, should I put something else on, should I throw on some makeup, is the house a mess? What will I cook for breakfast? Do I even have food?
I don't want to let myself go or have a dirty house or no food when we take that next step, but what if I am setting his expectations for me too high? Maybe it will be easier because the responsibilities will be shared? I can only hope.
In the mean time do I ease up a little, not try to be so perfect or just wait for that next step?
I don't think he would break up with me if my hair was thrown in a pony tail, or the house was not perfect, so maybe I am just not ready to let my guard down? To show him I am only human that sometimes wakes up really messy hair and bad breath and lets the laundry pile up for weeks.
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