1st Journal Entry: Plan A Party

I planned a party for myself, for my birthday. This is difficult for me because I fear that no on will come. I do not like to plan something and have it fail. Despite my fears I planned it and hoped for the best.

I decided to have it at a cute tea place that I have never been to. I invited all the girls from girl's night, and a few of my other friends that don't attend girls night. It was on a Sunday afternoon. My 4 very best friends were the ones that showed up. I was so happy. We had so much fun and laughed a lot.

I asked that no one bring presents, just a book or CD that they had enjoyed. We traded books. I ended up with Everyone Worth Knowing by Lauren Weisberger.

The lunch was a success in my eyes. I was so pleased with who joined me in celebrating.

Big 27!!!

I was not looking forward to celebrating my 27th birthday... why I am not sure. I didn't want to go out to dinner or anything. We celebrated by having take out and watching movies at home! I had Pei Wei, Gluten-Free Pei Wei Spicy chicken with brown rice. I love having a glass of wine with this chicken, it taste so yummy. We got to watch 2 girlie movies, which is a rarity in this house. Then I had a gluten-free chocolate cupcake. It was so good. I haven't had a cupcake in sooo long i can't even remember. It turned out to be a great birthday after all.

Kaua'i Vacation

I recently went to Kauai for vacation. My first real adult vacation, meaning I paid for everything. Because I eat gluten-free, I knew that this was going to be a challenge. I went with a friend who is very understanding which helped a lot. I packed some of my own foods microwavable popcorn, larabars, and glutino breakfast bars. I did my research for the trip on place to see and restaurants to go prior to the trip.

I read about Sweet Marie's on Gluten Free Mom's blog. I could not wait to try a muffin, I have not had a muffin in so long, I can not even remember. After making a list of activities and restaurants we were off to our adventure after flying 2400 miles over ocean we arrived and were on our way to Sweet Marie's. She definitely makes the most amazing muffins. I had a white chocolate chip banana muffin. My friend who does not live gluten free even loved the baked goods, she had the coffee cake, which I tried and was absolutely divine. We also bought chocolate chip and snicker-doodle cookies to snack on. Not only were the baked good amazing, so was the coffee. Marie was very sweet, and very helpful recommending restaurants that would be gluten free friendly.

I would love to go back just for the muffins. She will send baking mixes to the main land. I have not ordered yet, but I will. Yummy!

2010 Has Arrived!

2009 made me more aware of myself, what I am capable of and an idea of what I want out of life. I have always known where I am (most of the time) and where I wanted to end up… the in between is what I have struggled with most of my life. The getting to where I want to end up I suppose.

I discovered that I can remain and even better the person I am in a relationship. Some may think that sounds silly, unless they have had a past like mine. I have always either strived to be someone they wanted me to be or I thought that they wanted me to be or they have made me into someone I didn’t want to be and they didn’t want either. I found myself saying that’s who I want to be or that’s not me. I have often felt in the past that I need that grace period of being single to get back to who I was before they came into my life or who I wanted to be after they were gone. I dated a guy on and off for 6 years, I always said they we just didn’t know how to grow together.

This year, I discovered if I remain who I am that special someone will love me anyways. They decided to date me when I was me single on my own. I feel I have even become a better person. I pushed myself to be better and surprised myself along the way. It makes me want to be with him more because I like who I am with him.

So who am I… I am a caring, thoughtful, genuine person, who trusts and allows her heart to be worn on her sleeve, who will go above and beyond to make someone else’s life better. Who has her own style and doesn’t need to try to be something she is not. What I have come to find out about my <3,>

No one lives their life for you, so you don’t have to live your life for someone else.

I struggle with comparing how my life is to how my love life is. I know that is not what completes a person, in this society though, it is what defines you.

I have blogged a bit in the past and have a list of topics I would like to blog about. I think about numerous topics. I want to do it all; focusing on just one is hard for me because I want to be good at everything. I think what if I choose exercise and I fail miserably? I am a perfectionist, a recent realization for myself, although not to my friends, co-workers or family.

I should have know, I have always attributed my perfectionism to something else, OCD or anal-retentive. What sets me apart from those and makes me a perfectionist is its all or nothing for me. I put my whole heart into something and complete to perfection or I do not do it at all. Example: Cleaning the house, I am very particular when it comes to cleaning the house. If I can not accomplish all tasks that go along with cleaning the house to perfection, then I do not do it.

When I first thought about New Years Resolutions for 2010, I wrote down:

1.) Do not reward myself before earning it.

When I told my mother this her response was “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” I immediately thought of all the times I had rewarded myself for things I did not deserve. Like that bowl of ice cream when I had not worked-out that day, or that week for that matter. The 2 hours of T.V. I watched instead of cleaning the house or finishing the work I had brought home. That mani and pedi when I did not do anything substantial to deserve pampering.

Because I am a little ADD when it comes to blogging. I get sooo excited when I try to pin point what I want to focus on, I think of a millions things I want to blog about. Relationships, exercise, nutrition, cooking, home repair, book, movie and restaurant reviews, style, clothing, sports, money… one can see how I can not commit to blogging because I know I can’t do it all and have it all be perfect. Therefore I don’t do it. I have done a few, but loose interest because I can’t do it all.

2010 will be a year full of discovery. In order for me to focus, I have decided to blog journal entries for the next 3 months. This will enable me to focus on what I really like to write about. As with the blogging topics, I have a hard time focusing on what to journal about so I have invested in a book SKINNY BITCHIN’ by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. In this amazing book, they have journal topics to write about and motivational quotes to ponder through out the day.

Along with these journal entries, I will incorporate other topics that I would like to write about. I hope to keep a food and exercise journal as well. The purpose of this is to work life out on paper. You are your own greatest teacher and your own worst enemy. I will pin point both throughout the year and hope have many AHHH HAAAA moments and lessons learned.

I recently watched the movie YES MAN. This year I will be a YES Woman… I rarely say yes to opportunities. When my friends invite me out, I always decline, or I say yes and I cancel. I would call myself a home-body, a creature of habit. I am sure that this is once again my personal diagnosis and there is really something else that keeps me home and from enjoying opportunities. My hope is that this year, I will discover myself and take more adventures and say YES!

My first big YES of the New Year is a vacation to Hawaii. Even though I have had a few opportunities to back out, I have not let myself and I am really proud of myself for that. I leave in 10 days. I am very excited, nervous about leaving my dog and house in someone else hands, the money I am spending because I did not “save-up” (another weakness I need to work on) missing work and being out of my realm. I have not taken this sort of vacation ever. I am going with one of my best friends.

For the first time in probably my life, I am not worried about having to be in a bathing suit, not because I won’t know anyone there or ever see them again, but because I am the skinniest I have ever been in my adult life, college, high school and jr. high life for that matter. I of course would like to be more toned and a few pound lighter, for the most part I am pretty okay with being in a bathing suit.

My theory on eating: I eat to live, not live to eat. About 9 months ago I self-diagnosed myself with gluten and wheat intolerance. I have been gluten and wheat free every since. It truly has changed my life, for the better. I was never a big eater of bread anyways so it isn’t very hard for me. I do not miss it all. The hard part is the social aspect of it. Eating is such a huge social event in our society, that when you can not indulge in what other are you are judge for it, or maybe they are really judging themselves, because when you decline that piece of cake and they are on their 2^nd they feel bad so they want you to indulge as well.

The same things goes for drinking, drinkers want to surround themselves with other drinkers. That way they don’t feel bad for themselves or feel like you are judging them. I do not drink with an exception of a glass of wine here or there. Many of my friends still go out to the bars every weekend. I rarely go out with them. My reasons for not attending this social gather are: I don’t drink, so time doesn’t fly by for me like it does them, I am still the painfully shy person I was when I walked in the door, I was up at 5am to go to work and I enjoying getting up early on Saturdays and Sundays to do some kind of outdoor exercise, either hiking or bike riding.

Eating wise to drop a size…

I am a firm believer in the more lean protein you eat, the leaner you will be because you are fueling your muscles. I believe that you can eat as many veggies (frozen or fresh) you possibly can and it will only be better for you. Eat fruits sparingly, treat them like sweets, eat them a few hours after eating and they will aid in digestion and keeping hunger at bay. These are not scientific findings; these are real things that I do to keep slim. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a good pint of ice cream, yes I said pint, just like every other girl, I behave all the time so I can be bad some of the time.

I have always had to work for what I have. Whether it was grades or a fit body, nothing comes naturally for me. I have belonged to a gym since I was 12. I try to work out every day, lately I have been very busy with work and just collapse when I get home and sleep as long as I can. It has been a very long time since I have had an exercise routine, something that I do everyday. I am going to change that this year. I will be waking up at 5:30am to do the elliptical for 30 minutes. After a few weeks, or a few months, I will increase this to 1 hour. As I write I am thinking of the past year, I have not been getting up early because I feel that 30 minutes isn’t enough and I know I can do an hour before work, so because it can not be what I see as perfection, I choose not to work out in the morning. This was the wrong thinking! A little is always better then none at all. Getting back to the work out plan, I will then walk my dog, if day light permits, then do 30 minutes of the elliptical before making dinner. After a few months I will increase this to 1 hour.

Some may think that this sounds crazy. I want to be in good shape and I like they way my body looks and feels when I am in shape. Nothing tasks as good as skinny feels, not sure who said that, I completely agree though.

Interesting facts about me…

I leave change in the vending machine coin return just incase someone doesn’t have enough change, I flip coins I see on the ground to heads so the person who finds it will have good luck, I try not to use the word but because it cancels out what was said prior to using but and makes what is said after non existent. I would rather a smile was on somebody else face than my own. (maybe I am a people pleaser?)