False Reality... The house is always clean, I am always perfect?

I get the call "want to go out tonight?" Of course I do! So I hurry home from work, vacuum, put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, make the bed, pick up the clean clothes, hide the dirty ones, sometimes make dinner, jump in the shower... get all ready again, hair, make-up... just in time to answer the door looking like my perfect self at 7pm.

Am I creating a false reality? Is this what is going to be expected of me if/ when we move in together? Is this why when he spends the night I get so anxious in the morning? Thoughts start running threw my mind... what do I look like, do I have morning breath, should I put something else on, should I throw on some makeup, is the house a mess? What will I cook for breakfast? Do I even have food?

I don't want to let myself go or have a dirty house or no food when we take that next step, but what if I am setting his expectations for me too high? Maybe it will be easier because the responsibilities will be shared? I can only hope.

In the mean time do I ease up a little, not try to be so perfect or just wait for that next step?

I don't think he would break up with me if my hair was thrown in a pony tail, or the house was not perfect, so maybe I am just not ready to let my guard down? To show him I am only human that sometimes wakes up really messy hair and bad breath and lets the laundry pile up for weeks.

He has kids... so where does that leave me?

I am embarking on a new adventure in life... dating a guy with kids... yeps that plural. This is very different than dating a single guy with no kids. BTW he is single... just with kids.

I find myself asking questions I thought I never would... I no longer come first? I am jealous of a couple of kids?

I have been dating this guy for about 6 months. This is the slowest moving relationship I have ever been in and when threatened to quit... guess what he says, I won't fight for you. I decided to give it another chance maybe I am too needy or maybe I am I just a relationship of convenience? When its convenient for him and his kids?

It's different when you have kids with someone, you put the kids first and everything including your house, your spouse, and yourself come 2nd, maybe even last. But when your the single one with out kids your not making the choice... he has made it for you.

I have heard the way he deals with his ex... a little too nice if you ask me, so I thought. Everyday I feel like I learn something new though, like he is nice to her because she lets him tell the kids goodnight, every night. I just have to remind myself that she is an ex for a reason and if he is going to go back to her, there is nothing I can do to stop it and if they get along, then it would be best for the kids.

So, I have decided to choose my battles with him. This is a learning process. Nothing means more to him than his kids and I would not want it any different. That is one of the qualities that attracts me to him.

I hope that we can find a healthy balance.